


James' Ending

by TheAlwaysUsedTeaBag



Series: You Get To Choose [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Break Up, Cheating, Divorce, Emotional Manipulation, Gaslighting, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, Manipulative Relationship, This is honestly one of the most fucked up things i ever wrote, This isnt spellchecked, Threats, Verbal Abuse, messy break up, threats of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 14:08:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17184440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAlwaysUsedTeaBag/pseuds/TheAlwaysUsedTeaBag
Summary: Heed the warnings people this is something with which i was even uncomfortable writing it





	James' Ending

**Author's Note:**

> Heed the warnings people this is something with which i was even uncomfortable writing it

"I don't know what to do," Alexander whined.

Aaron felt conflicted and shared much the same sentiment. He wanted Alexander to love him, but he knew that it would be selfish of him to demand of Alexander to choose him above John or James. Aaron looked down at his own hands and sighed quietly. Alexander required his help, not knowing who to choose of them, and he was asking Aaron, one of the options, to help him choose and decide on what to do. Aaron was surprised Alexander would trust him to give an unbiased opinion on the matter. He thought about it quietly, weighing the options by taking himself as an option out of the equation altogether. That meant it was now a decision between John and James. This would, indeed, be a rather tough and difficult decision to make. Both John and James, the best friend and the past lover, had made Alexander happy in the past. John, though, had never played the role of Alexander's boyfriend in the past before, and would thusly be rather prone to making terrible mistakes, whereas James and Alexander were already very familiar with each other in this sense. James had a clear advantage that John did not have. It was also not guaranteed that Alexander felt or would begin to feel romantically for John, but he still had, reportedly, lingering feelings for James, Aaron reasoned. It would make sense that these feelings - and the subsequent happiness - could be reignited.

James had made Alexander happy before, he could make him happy again, in theory. The likelihood of this was greater than with John, though perhaps not by all that much.

"Perhaps," Aaron began, capturing Alexander's attention, "James. I'm aware he has hurt you before, but, from what you've told me of it, and of him, he greatly regrets having hurt and having left you, and you still desire to be with him."

Alexander gazed at him with big eyes and, for a moment, Aaron thought and feared he might have stepped out of line, saying something which he should not have said in the first place, though Alexander made no move to disagree with what he said, which calmed some of Aaron's anxiety. But then Alexander frowned and asked, "What about you?" and the question surprised Aaron, though he couldn't help but smile sadly.

"It would be rather selfish of me had I asked you to choose me over either of them," he replied quietly, glancing down at the ground with a sigh. Alexander tried to put a hand on his shoulder, but it went right through him, so Alexander opted for letting his hand hover over where Aaron's shoulder would have been.

"It wouldn't have been selfish," he assured, but Aaron remained unconvinced.

"Still," Aaron returned, "It would be best for you to... be with someone who already knows how best to make you happy... and perhaps someone who is not immortal in turn."

Alexander's head snapped up and Aaron was greeted with a look of unbridled surprise.

"But you'll stay with me?" Alexander asked quickly, "Even tho- even _if_ I don't choose you?"

Aaron smiled kindly at these words. He adored Alexander for this. The way Alexander had asked this, with such a careful, almost sad tone, it broke his heart and made it beat faster at the same time as it melted it. Alexander didn't want him to leave. This thought made Aaron so unbelievably happy, joyful tears took it upon themselves to well up in his eyes and he surged forward to embrace Alexander tenderly and he kissed him on the head.

"Don't you worry," Aaron assured Alexander with a hug, who was rather surprised by this affectionate action, "I shan't leave you, not ever. As long as you would allow it, I shall stay by your side."

It took Alexander a moment to snap out of his surprised stupor, but when he did, he hugged Aaron back tightly, desperately.

"I don't want to ever lose you," Alexander mumbled into Aaron's chest, his voice muffled considerably.

"I'll stay with you, whoever you choose. I shan't leave you, not now, not ever, as long as you will have me," Aaron gently reassured and kissed Alexander's head again. They were quietly embracing a few moments longer, enjoying each other's reassuring presence pressed against their own. It was sweet and familiar, and neither wanted to ever let go of this feeling. Alexander turned his head so his mouth wasn't pressed to Aaron's chest and his voice wouldn't be muffled by it.

"I think... maybe you're right... about James, I mean... It's just... he hurt me. A-and it feels like I'm- like I'm weak if I took him back now," Alexander worried. Aaron brushed his hand through Alexander's hair and Alexander and his worries melted into the caress.

"It's not a weakness to take back something that's made you happy before," Aaron said gently. Alexander, though a seed of doubt remained planted deep inside of him, where neither he nor Aaron's kind words or caresses could reach to remove it.

Alexander nodded, "Okay... I'll give him a- a second chance. He- he regrets it, breaking up -- hurting m-me and..."

Aaron nodded patiently as Alexander spoke. "It's all right," Aaron reassured gently, not stopping in his gentle caresses through Alexander's hair.

"It just," Alexander paused, "It feels weird. I've wanted this- him to come to me and ask to be taken back... but now that... now that he did, it just... I don't know."

Aaron nodded, he was sure he understood. "It's going to be all right," Aaron cooed gently, "I'll be here no matter what."

Alexander sat quietly in his Math class, mulling over the things that had happened in the past few days. He thought about what Aaron had said to him. He was hesitant about it. He didn't know whether taking James back was the right choice. The more and longer he thought on it, the more split and conflicted he felt on the issue. He suffered through the rest of his Math class, quiet on the outside, a disharmonious choir of conflicting voices and feelings inside. No one saw this, the war going on inside of him, except Thomas. He saw it in Alexander's eyes. Conflict instead of the usual determination, combined with a little hidden something -- something mysterious, careful and a bit scared, like he's hiding something, or like he's hiding _from_ something. Seeing Alexander conflicted over something was new and disconcerting.

Thomas frowned as the bell rang and Alexander practically bolted out of his seat and packed his stuff far too quickly, dropping two yellow pens on the ground. One of the pens rolled under Thomas' table at his feet. Thomas bent down and picked it up, looking from it to Alexander with a calculating look, weighing his options and what he should do. He thought back on the day before. Alexander had taken it upon himself to comfort Thomas as he had been in desperate need of it. Alexander had offered him his shoulder to cry on, comfort, kindness, understanding, many things that Thomas was not used to when it came to Alexander. He still had a difficult time comprehending what had transpired on that bathroom floor. Alexander had been kind to him, in spite of the past, despite how much they had disliked each other. It had been because Alexander _understood_ what Thomas has been going through because the same had happened to him.

Thomas looked up at Alexander, who was now done packing his things (sans the second yellow pen) and made a decision. Before Alexander could leave (bolt out of) the room, he tapped Alexander's shoulder. Alexander jumped, startled, and turned his head to Thomas with surprise. It was still loud as recess had just begun but not everyone had yet left the room.

"You," Thomas paused, holding up the pen, "You dropped this."

Alexander stared at him for a moment like Thomas had just grown another arm on his forehead, then snapped out of it and made to grab the pen, but Thomas held it out of reach just as Alexander began to grumble a disgruntled 'thanks'.

"You've been off today," Thomas stated, then asked, as Alexander rolled his eyes, "What's wrong?"

Now Alexander looked at him in insulted disbelief. "Just give me back my pen," Alexander grumbled, making another grab for it. Thomas kept it out of reach.

"Pen for your thoughts," he replied.

"I see what you did there; 'pen for your thoughts' like 'penny for your thoughts'," Alexander stalled with a fake chuckle.

"Don't distract from the question," Thomas frowned, looking at him sternly.

Alexander sighed, "What do you want?"

Thomas paused. Alexander sounded so defeated. "What's wrong?" Thomas asked again.

"What do you mean 'what's wrong?'" Alexander asked, raising his brow unimpressed.

Thomas remained patient. "You've been off, all class long. Something is bothering you," he replied, playing with the pen with both of his hands, turning it over and looking at it, rather than Alexander. It was a cute little pen, yellow with little black stars on it, probably a gift from Hercules or Lafayette.

"What do you care?" Alexander snapped and crossed his arms over his chest and huffed.

"You," Thomas paused, and continued his thought quieter, "You helped me the other day... I want to return the favour, is all."

Alexander scoffed, "How noble of you."

And there it was again. In his eyes. Alexander was conflicted, Thomas could see it clearly.

"Come on, I won't bite this time. I promise," Thomas smiled at him, trying to coax it out of Alexander.

"I..." Alexander sighed, "I'm thinking about... what James..."

Thomas gulped down a pang of pain and nodded. "You're thinking about taking him back," he stated plainly and Alexander quietly nodded. There was a pause and Thomas asked, "Well, are you?"

Alexander didn't look at him. He shrugged and let his gaze fall to the ground at Thomas' feet. "That's what I've been thinking about, but I don't know," Alexander finally admitted, "I think I want it? But... whatever I do, I don't feel sure." Thomas nodded at Alexander's statement. Something inside of him, strangely, was glad that Alexander didn't immediately want to take James back.

Thomas chalked it up to his own desires to have James back, but -- rather strangely -- he did not feel this way. Perhaps he was too hurt, but if James came to him this very moment and ask to be taken back, Thomas wouldn't. It felt very strange to him, to be heartbroken, but to not want him back either. At that moment, Alexander snatched back his pen and stuffed it into his backpack, into the little hole that was left open in the zipper.

"Hey," Thomas tried holding Alexander back from leaving, "It's... it's okay... um..."

"You're not very good at this whole 'cheering up' or this whole 'comforting' thing, are you?" Alexander let out an honest bit of a chuckle at Thomas' pitiful attempt at comforting words.

"No, well..." Thomas laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of his head, which Alexander found somewhat charming, "I mean... I'm more used to not being... all that nice to you... and I realise now how shitty that actually sounds, and... I wanna say this now: I'm sorry for the way I treated you. Especially the whole forest incident and..."

"It's okay, considering. Not the worst that ever happened to me," Alexander frowned at himself.

"And I promise that this secret is safe with me from now on," Thomas promised, sounding more sincere than Alexander had ever known him to be.

"I would hope so," Alexander mustered half a smile.

"So... are you going to..." Thomas turned quiet at the end, utterly awkward and Alexander, who had never before today seen this awkward side before, found this side much nicer and more appealing.

"I... I think I may... yeah, I think I actually may take him back..." Alexander decided then and there.

Thomas nodded. "Yeah, that makes... sense... You do that... If you... Okay, this'll sound weird but, uh... if you ever need anything, just, uh... you can count on me for that... to make up for me being so nasty to you this whole time..." Thomas said awkwardly and Alexander nodded and chuckled in reply.

"Yeah, okay, I'll, uh, I'll be sure to remember that," Alexander nodded and, finally, he left the classroom, leaving Thomas standing there with an embarrassed blush on his cheeks.

Alexander walked through the hallway, a new sort of confidence in his step, though he was still somewhat unsure of his decision, he had decided he would not back down, and he did not, he didn't allow himself to back down from it. He made his way through the crowded hallway to his next and last class of the day. He had this class together with James, and he would discreetly hand him a note (like they were in elementary school, Alexander thought, almost with a chuckle ringing to it) asking him to meet after class out by the tree. And there he would do it. He would agree to take James back, allow their relationship to begin anew. Maybe this would make him happy. He had only wanted this after James had broken up with him for Thomas. He had only wanted James back, and even though he was still unsure, he wouldn't allow himself not to go through with his decision. It was what he needed, he was sure, he was just a coward, as he had always been.

He breathed in and walked into the classroom, straight to his desk and he sat down with a decisive thud. A few moments later the bell rang and students filed in until the second bell rang and the teacher walked in five minutes later. Alexander sat in front of James in this class, which had once been because the teacher wanted them to concentrate on the class and not on each other - though, to this day, Alexander did not understand why the teacher thought that just because they were together that they would be all over each other even in class, they both valued their grades far too much to let this happen themselves, and they guessed that their teacher was simply a jerk - and, after the breakup, remained so because Alexander couldn't take looking at James, even in his peripheral, or he wouldn't be able to concentrate. Even the teacher had noticed back when they had broken up and had gone on the entire rest of the time about moving on from unwanted things that are bad for you (their class was Philosophy), and Alexander had felt himself unable to deal with this nonsense and had left in the five minute break, claiming illness, for the first time in his entire school career.

And now he sat there, in front of James' desk, and James wasn't even yet here, putting a damper on Alexander's plans to pass him a note. He already cancelled his plans for that day, which he had decided upon rather impulsively, now that he thought about it when suddenly, the door opened, twenty minutes into class, and James rushed in with an apology on his lips, handing the teacher a doctor's note. The teacher scoffed at James and said something about James continuously making excuses and tricking his doctor just so he doesn't have to come to school and that it would be very bad for his grade and in his future job he couldn't pull that sort of stunt or he'd get fired. James, wisely, ignored the teacher's mad rambling and soon sat down at his desk, daring to look at Alexander with a hopeful look as he passed him. James sat on at his desk behind Alexander, who kept his eyes forward for the next ten minutes, looking for a time when the teacher would assign them a task or something, or be too into their own ramblings to pay attention to what the students were doing, so he could write the note (which he had to do discreetly) and pass it back (which he had to be even more discreet about, seeing as his backwards-turning movement would definitely catch the teacher's attention and put him into detention, which would also put a damper on his plans for after school was over (bullshit, really, if you asked him).

So he kept it quiet, kept it discreet, scribbled the note quickly, when the teacher was definitely not looking or paying attention to the students and then he decided to wait until the five minute break between eighth and ninth period to give it to James, but the last minute of the five minute break, so James didn't have time to ask for his answer then and there, which would be putting Alexander on the spot, being surrounded by so many people, and he hated this.

And his plan was successful, more or less. He breathed a sigh of relief when James leant forward to ask him something or say something to him, and the bell rang for the ninth period, cutting him off, when the teacher glared at him, shutting him up indefinitely for the rest of the period. Pissing off this teacher, Alexander knew from experience, was not what you wanted to do, especially if you haven't got the entire class to back you up, because this teacher could ruin your entire school career, despite just teaching philosophy. He was that kind of an asshole. The powerful one. And if you got that type of teacher, you will learn to pray and believe in a higher being, a god or supernatural force, and you will beg it, in your prayer, to make this teacher be in a good mood when deciding your grade, or deciding whether they like you or not, just so that you don't end up without job, on the street, homeless and sick, because of the strings this teacher would pull to ruin you if they didn't like you. So Alexander didn't want to ruin his chances entirely, and James was wise enough to shut up because he knew what Alexander knew, what everyone knew.

But despite the power this teacher had over them, which teachers really shouldn't be allowed to have or hold over you if they do, this teacher was far from competent, but no one would do anything about it, as afraid as everyone was of this teacher's power over them, no one dared to complain to the principal about it because they knew that, even if the principal states that you will be kept anonymous as they deal with this, a) they will not deal with the teacher and b) they will not keep the student anonymous, meaning this student's life would be ruined from that point on. This was the exact reason why Alexander liked to test the teacher. With essays. Whenever they were supposed to write essays for this class, Alexander always put in at least one sentence going on for the entire page. Little things that would irritate this teacher, but wouldn't be a rational cause for them to try and ruin his life, just because of a sentence going on for a whole page, (or one and a half, as Alexander had once managed, proudly) it would have been stupid and even this teacher would be forced to admit this and admit defeat in the same breath. It was a thing Alexander took a lot of pleasure and satisfaction in.

The class was almost over at this point. Alexander kept glancing at the clock hanging in the corner of the room, to the right of the blackboard. The seconds-hand went by slowly, tormentingly slow, even, and Alexander couldn't wait for the minute-hand to finally hit the twelve. The teacher noticed his constant glancing and took it as an insult.

"Tell me, Alexander," this teacher preferred calling the students by their first names, for whatever reason and it irked Alexander, who much preferred being called Mister Hamilton by people he didn't like, "Are you waiting for something? The end of class, perhaps? Tell me, does my class bore you?"

"Huh?" Alexander was caught off-guard. "Uh, what? How'd you get that impression, Mister Dickson?"

Mister Dickson was a grade F dick. No indirect compliments calling him a grade A dick, because he wasn't, he was awful and a jerk, holding his power over their heads threateningly, like they were all puppets on strings and he was holding the scissors just waiting for one of them to tug at their strings so he can cut them.

"I know when a student is bored in my class. Tell me, what was the topic?" Mister Dickson asked, putting the spotlight on him. Alexander frowned. He didn't like being put on the spot against his will.

"The ethics or morals of abortion, whether it should be legalised in every state, at any time, etcetera."

"Oh, I'm impressed," he clearly wasn't, "You can listen with half an ear while not paying attention. Then you can also tell me what we concluded?"

"That it has many sides and everyone has their own opinion on the matter," Alexander successfully summed up the end of every discussion they had ever had in this class, ever. The teacher frowned at him, though Alexander could see that look in his eyes that said 'You have won this round, but keep your tongue inside where I cannot cut it, or you will regret it'.

"Very well then," the teacher attempted but was cut off by the bell ringing, cutting the lesson short. Mister Dickson yelled out the homework at the class, another essay, another chance for Alexander to irritate him, and Alexander made to pack his stuff and leave, but not in a way that made him look eager to leave. Some poor kid had been given detention for that once, and since then everyone had learned from that kid's mistake and learned to look like this was their favourite class and they were reluctant to leave it. But in reality, everyone in this room was already at home in their minds.

Alexander left the classroom, avoiding to breathe too much in the crowded hallway, the stench of overused deodorant in the air. He breathed in deeply when he got outside and made a beeline for the tree under which he had once confessed his love to James, where they had first gotten together. And this time they would come back together under it. He sighed and breathed in the clean air as he waited.

The tree he stood under chuckled at him and said, "You are back, I see. What will you do under me today?"

"I think... I'll get back together with James..." Alexander replied quietly, so no one except the tree heard him.

"Oh, happy, happy occasion!" the tree exclaimed, "I am honoured to be part of your love with him! A sign, 'tis I!! A mark of your love!"

At least the tree was excited, Alexander thought. He leant back against it, waiting for James to show up. After a few minutes, he worried that James had reconsidered, and had decided not to get back together after all. After all this time, it would break Alexander's being, not just his heart. Perhaps this time, Alexander thought, he would learn to hate James for it. But then James rounded the corner and Alexander was both relieved and a wave of dread came washing over him at the very same time.

James' eyes lit up, like a cat's eyes seeing a Christmas tree it wanted to eat (no, Alexander didn't know where this comparison came from), as he saw Alexander standing under that tree. He practically ran over to Alexander, a giddy grin on his lips as he was sure he knew what this was about.

"Alexander! Your note just read to meet you here, but... is my assumption correct?" James asked, a blush growing on his cheeks that made Alexander's heart melt at the sight and completely forget about everything that had happened between them.

"I... I thought about it and... and I wanted it, so bad. The moment you broke up with me, I wanted nothing more than to have you back. And I do. I want you back..." Alexander ended his statement with a nod, and James let out the most excited sound Alexander had ever heard him sound and threw his arms around Alexander's neck and kissed him.

"Thank you, thank you! I love you so much, I never regretted anything more than giving you up, I'm so sorry," James exclaimed between kisses, and Alexander, reminded of something, had to pull away a bit to voice his concerns and thoughts.

"But, James, I... you hurt me, a lot, a whole fucking lot and... I was very unsure about all of this, so many 'what if's' going through my head. What if you do it again? I would break. Breaking up is entirely within your right, but you hadn't even given me a reason, only after you told me you wanted me back. And, heck, you didn't even give Thomas a reason, even if you gave me one now. I told him, because, James, breaking up without stating a reason hurts even more than just breaking up in itself. I racked my brain day and night wondering what I did wrong, thinking up the worst scenarios at all, and that hurt more than what you ended up telling me, in the end. I... I'd like you to promise me to never do something like it again, I don't know if I can take that sort of thing again." As Alexander explained this at length, he grew more and more anxious, and James' expression turned more and more displeased, a sight Alexander didn't like.

"What, are you telling me that you think we will break up soon?!" James exclaimed with an angry huff.

"No! No, that's not what I meant! If, James, if. I don't want to think about it, but after the last time, I... James, I don't plan us breaking up, I want to make sure that we don't utterly break each other if push ever comes to shove," Alexander explained yet again, "Please, just... promise me?"

James paused for a moment, studying Alexander's look, and finding genuine fear in them that melted his angry resolve to a soft smile and he leant in to kiss Alexander to seal the words 'I promise' that slipped from his lips in a whisper.

And, for a moment, Alexander was happy. He got back the person who had made him happy once, and he hoped they would be happy once again.

But that moment did not last for long, and not everyone was happy with this turn of events. While Thomas had indirectly given Alexander his blessing (not that he had needed it, but it had been a nice gesture if anything), and Aaron had selflessly given up his own happiness with Alexander quite freely, John wasn't happy when he found out about this.

John had always been very supportive of Alexander, in all he did, but not this. He hadn't even known that James had been bothering Alexander to take him back. If he had known, he would have talked Alexander out of it. Maybe it was in a selfish attempt to have Alexander for himself, or maybe it was a genuine feeling of worry or both. But John knew that James would definitely be no good for Alexander after their messy breakup. Why does he call it a messy breakup despite it having been so clean? It had only appeared clean on the outside, because James had broken up with Alexander in school and Alexander was the last person to willingly cause a breakup scene and start that kind of drama, especially at school, with people he had to see every day. But John got to see the messy side of things. Alexander trying to call or text James, begging for an explanation, and not getting any, and crying himself to sleep in John's arms, in John's bed. John honestly just wanted to be there for his friend, and crush, but that part took a step back in priority as he had taken care of this broken and vulnerable Alexander. It was also the time when James had developed an unhealthy hate for James, and he didn't care that hate was a strong word, he felt it very strongly.

But now Alexander wouldn't listen, and they had a big fight about it. Actually, this fight was so big that John demanded Alexander leave, take his stuff with him, and not come back, not even talk to him anymore until he got his eyes washed and opened and stopped being so blind. It was a mess, and it resulted in Alexander not only stopping talking to John, but he also stopped talking to Laf and Herc, and John didn't know why that was. Laf told him that they too had a fight with Alexander on the subject, but that it hadn't been so bad and Alexander only stopped talking to them after he had his fight with John. That's how Alexander lost his best friends.

And that was only the beginning of the spiral into misery.

See, they stayed together through their last years of highschool, got accepted into colleges that were really close to each other, and got married when they were each 23. A bit hasty, to Alexander, but James had insisted it was fine, that's how things were supposed to be. Doesn't seem bad, if only a bit quick. Alexander thought so, too. He was wrong. After they got married, which was after they both graduated college (quickly), they moved into the same flat and things worsened from there on out. Alexander was massively insecure, and it showed. He was a bit clingy, which James had assured him was fine, but soon, fights broke out because of it. Alexander hated it when they would fight, because James knew exactly which buttons to push to get Alexander either to yell, at which point James would call him abusive (something that Alexander had always feared he'd become), or to get Alexander to start crying, at which point James would exploit every insecurity, everything that made Alexander even more vulnerable.

And it only got worse. While James never put a hand on Alexander (they both knew that James wasn't strong enough to bruise him and that Alexander could and would, out of reflex, defend himself easily) it got to a point where Alexander questioned if James even loved him. James would belittle his accomplishments, compare him to others frequently, saying how much better he could have done than Alexander, even threatening to release his secret and, if that didn't work, threaten to divorce him. And if that didn't work and Alexander would, in turn, say that it was fine by him if James left him, James would threaten to kill himself.

And Alexander couldn't turn to his friends, he didn't have any anymore. He hated the people he worked with, and he was sure they wished him dead. Except for maybe one. He remembered Thomas worked in the same office he did, and he remembered Thomas' promise back in Highschool. He knew it was silly to expect him to honour this promise at this point in time, after all these years, it would be a miracle if he even remembered it at all! But whether he did or not, Alexander didn't care. He promised himself, he'd give James one more chance, but if he blew it, Alexander would leave him. Who cares if he threatens to kill himself! Alexander though defiantly. Who cares if he threatens to release his secret! All of those things weren't relevant anymore, enough time has passed for him not to be held accountable for them!

And with that decision made, he did his best to not lose it early, which was difficult, when James was just pushing his buttons. Alexander just waited for their next major fight. He knew he had had a good reason to keep his material property to a minimum. The things in the apartment that belonged to him were his laptop, his phone, his handheld mirror (in which he used to carry Aaron in until one day when he had had a fight with him as well and Aaron had demanded Alexander let him leave, which he had done with a broken heart crying out) that he still treasured, some clothes, a medical kit (needle and thread), toothbrush and paste and his old duffel bag along with pictures of a happier time.

And he didn't have to wait long at all. Because not even a full fortnight after he had made his decision to leave at the next major fight, he found James in their bed.

With another guy.

Cheating on him.

The moment Alexander walked in to see this sight, he rushed to the closet, grabbed his clothes, his duffel bag that was mostly filled, rushed to the bathroom while James was scrambling to get out from underneath the other guy - Alexander honestly didn't even care enough to register the guy's looks - and get to Alexander.

"Alex!" James yelled, "I can explain!"

But Alexander didn't listen. He grabbed his toothbrush, leaving the paste, he could buy another. His laptop was already in the bag, as were the pictures and he had his wallet and phone on him. The only thing missing was the handheld mirror that he treasured above all his things. He made to grab it, but James grabbed it as well, trying to take it away from Alexander.

"Let. Go." Alexander growled, glaring daggers at James, who almost flinched back but didn't let go of the mirror.

"Not until you listen to me! I know this looks bad, but I swear I-"

"I don't want to hear it, James!" Alexander growled, ignoring the tears that welled up in his eyes. His heart was shattered once more, lying in pieces at his feet, and he didn't even bother to pick them up. "You hurt me, again and again, and again! I can't take it anymore, James, this was the last straw! I. Am. Leaving. You. Expect the divorce papers by either the next week or the one after." His tone was cold as ice and James knew there was little he could do to keep him, so he decided to use what he knew would work.

"I'm the best thing that ever happened to you. You can't leave me!" he yelped, pulling at the mirror.

"Watch me!" Alexander snapped.

"I will tell everyone your little secret, the police will be knocking on whatever door you'll hide behind! They'll find you, they'll get you and you'll go directly to jail, Alex, I am the only one standing between you and thirty years in jail, minimum!" James yelled, but Alexander didn't care for his words anymore, though they hurt.

"Thirty years in jail is better than having to spend another day in this hellhole!" Alexander pulled back on the mirror. James realised Alexander wasn't perturbed by this at all, and he resorted to his ultimate threat.

"I'll kill myself if you leave me! You know I'll do it, Alex! I will kill myself and it will be your fault!" James threatened, but Alexander remained resilient. He had stopped caring, and it was evident in his glare.

"I don't fucking care anymore, James. You cannot keep me in this hellhole of a relationship anymore! I am sick and tired of this shit and I would rather kill _myself_ than stay here a moment longer!" Alexander growled.

"Then you'll get lifelong. I will kill myself in a way that makes it look like murder. And they'll suspect you first, you know that, and with your little secret, you will get lifelong!" James tried, but Alexander scoffed.

"Yeah, uh-huh, because revealing that little plan for all the world to hear was so fucking brilliant!" Alexander snapped, pointing at the door to the bathroom, where the guy James was cheating on Alexander with stood, wide-eyed in shock at James' threats, in the middle of pulling on his pants. "What did you hear?"

"I, uh, I... He threatened to frame you for his 'murder' if he kills himself. Holy fuck!" The guy was pale as a ghost.

"You will say nothing!" James asserted, but the other guy shook his head.

"Dude, you are fucking crazy, there is no way I wouldn't talk as a witness for this shit, holy fuck. You are sick!" the guy scoffed out a nervous laugh and turned to Alexander, "I'm Andres Helmes, spelt A-N-D-R-E-S H-E-L-M-E-S if you need me to be a witness in court. Holy shit." And he left the apartment in a hurry.

"You can't leave me!" James yelled at Alexander and tried to pull the mirror out of his hand, but Alexander kept pulling it back. This back and forth pulling kept going, until it slipped out of Alexander's sweaty hand, the force of which made James drop it, and it landed on the floor with a loud CRASH, the mirror shattering in every which direction.

There was a quiet moment between them, both staring at the broken mirror in disbelief. Alexander finally looked up, stared directly into James' eyes, with a fury James had never known in his life, and broke the silence, like James had broken the mirror, with sharp, icy words.

"I hope you're happy."

And he left, without any further resistance.

He left the apartment, noting down the other guy's name, Andres Helmes if things ever did come down to it. And he made his way over to Thomas' house, thanking his luck that Thomas had told him his address some time ago. He rang the bell when he stood right in front of the door. He checked if Thomas' name was on the bell before he rang it, making sure it was indeed the right house.

A few moments later, Thomas came down the stairs to the door and opened it, utterly surprised at seeing Alexander on the other side, dishevelled, hair tied in a messy bun, tear stains on his cheeks, clothes thrown on hastily by the looks of it and sweaty. Thomas' eyes widened as he saw the look of utter desperation in Alexander's eyes.

"Can I stay the night?" Alexander asked with a broken voice that shattered Thomas' heart.

In the next moment Thomas practically dragged Alexander inside, demanding to know what had happened to him and Alexander told him, through sobs and tears, told him everything that had happened, everything James had done in the past, and the final straw that made Alexander finally leave. Thomas listened patiently, though he was shocked beyond shock at what he heard. At work, Alexander had never talked about James at home, their relationship or their homelife. This should have been a red flag for Thomas to look out for, and he wished he had seen it earlier. He was still in shock at what James had done overall, almost in disbelief, but the more he thought about it, and the more he heard from Alexander, the more it seemed plausible with Thomas' previous image of James, and for a selfish moment he felt glad that James had broken up with him way back in Highschool. But in the very next moment, he wished his and Alexander's fortunes were reversed so that Alexander didn't have to go through that. But he couldn't change anything.

However, he could and did promise that Alexander could live at his house permanently, if he wanted to, and was welcome at any time at all. Alexander accepted after a moment of hesitation.

That same evening, Thomas had put on some movies and got out chocolate and wine for them to eat and drink, his own comfort food if he ever felt particularly down. And he pulled out the good wine, too. He still was horrible at comforting people, but no one could deny that he tried his damn best. Alexander found himself feeling better, if only by a bit. It would take a long time to heal the damage James had left behind on him, and the wounds would probably turn into nasty scars, but he honestly couldn't wait for that day, when all his wounds were scars.

Because that meant that it was over. That meant he had survived it and had come out on top. He was better than the wounds, he was better than the pain. His scars told of what he had endured, the fight he had fought, and he would be proud of them once that day comes when his wounds have turned into scars. But until that day came, he would rest, lay down his weapons and rest.

It was over.

_He had won._

**Author's Note:**

> If there is anything i did not tag properly please correct me, anything i need to add or change. I hole you could enjoy this nonetheless!


End file.
